PSYCHOLOGY OF PARENTAL ALIENATION

Attachment theory

In order to understand PA, we need to have an understanding of psychology. This section provides the necessary background in order to do so. References will allow the reader to look at more detailed information.

Attachment theory was developed in the 1960s by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby (2). It posits that infants need to form a close relationship with at least one primary caregiver to ensure their survival and to develop healthy social and emotional functioning. The innate biological drive for parents and children to bond is seen as an evolutionary adaptation that better protects young. Its fundamental importance is underlined by the fact that equivalent systems are seen in other mammals (2).

Attachment theory proposes that secure attachments are formed when caregivers are sensitive and responsive in social interactions, and consistently available, particularly between the ages of six months and two years. As children grow, they are thought to use these attachment figures as a secure base from which to explore the world and to return to for comfort.

In the 1970s, developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth and her colleagues expanded on Bowlby's work. They devised a method called the Strange Situation Procedure, in which a child’s reactions, typically between 9 and 18 months of age, to separations and reunions with a caregiver in the presence of a stranger were observed. Three different attachment patterns were observed in the infants,: secure attachment, in which the infant explores freely when the caregiver is present, shows distress when they leave, and is comforted upon reunion; Insecure-Avoidant attachment in which the infant shows little distress during separation and avoids or ignores the caregiver upon reunion and Insecure-Resistant (Ambivalent) attachment in which the infant is highly distressed during separation and shows ambivalent behaviour upon reunion, seeking contact but resisting comfort. A fourth category, Disorganized Attachment, was added by Main and Solomon in the 1980s, which was characterized by inconsistent or contradictory behaviours, (approaching, avoiding, freezing) behaviours towards a caregiver. often linked to fear or confusion. 

An important discovery was that the way the child behaved towards its primary caregiver correlated with how the parent responded and interacted with the child. A child becomes securely attached when the parent is available and able to meet the needs of the child in a responsive and appropriate manner. By contrast insecurely attached infants result from inconsistent / unpredictable caregiving or parents who are always unresponsive or are abusive. 

The insecure responses to the caregiver can be seen as a strategy to maintain proximity and protection under unfavourable conditions. Indeed, experiments on children’s heart rates show that avoidantly attached children are actually stressed at a parent’s departure.

The importance of attachment in early childhood is revealed by the fact that evidence shows that - along with other life experiences - it determines an individual's feelings, thoughts and expectations in later relationships: it is how children learn to love, trust and form their own relationships. This explains why the deliberate severance of a child – parent bond, as occurs during PA, is so profoundly damaging.

Personality disorders

Personality disorders affect how you cope with life, relationships and emotions. Your beliefs and way of dealing with daily life is different to the average person. To quote from the NHS website: 

A person with a personality disorder thinks, feels, behaves or relates to others very differently from the average person. 

The American classification of mental disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th Revision (DSM-5) lists ten personality disorders distributed across three "clusters": A, B, or C. 

Cluster A (Odd, bizarre, eccentric): Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Cluster B (Dramatic, erratic): Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic

Cluster C (Anxious, fearful): Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-compulsive

Although DSM-5 provides a list of traits that need to be met to receive a formal diagnosis for any one PD, in reality, traits from any given PD can be found alongside traits of another PD within the same individual such that PD’s blur into one another. Trait sharing is usually within the same cluster, which was the original reason for these groupings.

The most widely consulted counterpart of the DSM, the World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases (ICD), covers mental health disorders along with a vast number of other health conditions. The ICD is the primary diagnostic tool for mental health professionals outside the U.S.

The causes of personality disorders

Personality disorders are caused by a mixture of genetics,  environmental factors, early life experiences and trauma. However, research has consistently shown that children who experience neglect, abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual), or inconsistent parenting may struggle to develop healthy coping mechanisms and interpersonal skills, increasing the risk of personality disorders later in life. Findings from one of the largest studies of personality disorders, the The Collaborative Longitudinal Personality Disorders Study

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Research suggests that there is a link between narcissism and alienators. This will be explored in the following section. This section is an introduction to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It has been taken from the website "Simply Psychology" ( https://www.simplypsychology.com/articles/narcissistic-personality-disorder-guide) becaus it is a good summary of the condition. There are further links from this URL that have not been included readers may wish to visit for further information.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

NPD is a personality disorder — a stable, pervasive pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from cultural norms, causes distress or impairment, and is consistent across time and contexts.

The DSM-5 criteria for NPD require a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in multiple contexts, as indicated by five or more of the following:

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance; exaggerating achievements and talents
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believing that one is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other high-status people or institutions
4. Requiring excessive admiration
5. A sense of entitlement — unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment
6. Interpersonally exploitative — taking advantage of others to achieve one's own ends
7. Lacking empathy: unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them
9. Arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes

Estimated prevalence: 0.5–5% of the general population. NPD is substantially more common in men (approximately 75% of diagnoses).

The Paradox of Narcissism

One of the most important and often misunderstood aspects of NPD is that grandiosity coexists with profound fragility. The inflated self-presentation serves as a defense against deeply held beliefs of inadequacy, shame, and vulnerability.

People with NPD often experience:

• Narcissistic injury: An intense, often disproportionate response to criticism, perceived slights, or failure — shame, rage, humiliation
• Narcissistic rage: Explosive or cold anger in response to injury, functioning as a defense against underlying shame
• Shame as a core experience: Despite the apparent self-importance, research consistently shows that shame — not pride — is a central affective state in NPD

This paradox explains behaviors that might otherwise seem puzzling: the extreme reaction to minor criticism, the exhausting need for constant validation, the brittleness beneath apparent confidence.

Subtypes of Narcissism

The clinical literature increasingly distinguishes between:

Grandiose (Overt) Narcissism

The "textbook" presentation: confident, dominant, attention-seeking, interpersonally aggressive, openly entitled. This type tends to be more recognizable and corresponds more closely to the cultural stereotype.

Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissism

Covert narcissism presents very differently: outwardly shy, withdrawn, hypersensitive to criticism, prone to shame and resentment, often complaining about being overlooked or unappreciated. The grandiose fantasies are present but not externally displayed. This type is more frequently confused with anxiety or depression.

Both types share the same underlying dynamics — entitlement, need for admiration, lack of empathy — expressed differently based on external behavior style.

Causes of NPD

NPD is not caused by a single factor but by the interaction of:

Genetic and biological factors: Heritability estimates for narcissism as a trait range from 40–60%. Temperamental factors — particularly dominance seeking and low distress tolerance — likely contribute.

Early developmental experiences: Several pathways have been proposed:

• Childhood neglect or emotional unavailability from caregivers — the child develops grandiosity as self-soothing against feelings of worthlessness
• Excessive, unrealistic praise — the child internalizes inflated self-importance without authentic feedback
• Parental coldness combined with expectations of performance excellence — love is conditional on achievement, producing a split between grandiose self and shame-filled failure-self
• Trauma and attachment disruption

Cultural factors: Individualistic, status-oriented cultures that value achievement and exceptionalism over community and sufficiency may provide conditions in which narcissistic traits are more likely to develop and be reinforced.

How NPD Affects Relationships

NPD has its most visible impact in close relationships. The characteristics of NPD — exploitation, lack of empathy, need for admiration, entitlement, devaluation — produce recognizable relational patterns:

Idealization and devaluation: Partners are initially idealized — chosen because they reflect well on the person with NPD or seem to meet narcissistic needs. As the relationship deepens and the partner fails to consistently provide perfect admiration, they are devalued. This shift can be rapid and disorienting.

Exploitation: Using partners to meet needs without reciprocity. Expecting support without providing it.

Empathy deficits: Difficulty genuinely attending to a partner's emotional experience, particularly when it does not serve the person's own needs.

Rage and control: Controlling behavior aimed at managing narcissistic injury; explosive or punitive responses to perceived slights.

For people who have been in relationships with narcissistic partners, the impact can be significant and long-lasting.

The link between narcissisism and parental aliention
 

There has been 

In one study, alienating mothers were found to be more likely to put forward an image of adequacy, deny weakness and to be very sensitive to criticism, all hallmarks of narcissism. This corroborated findings from another study showed that alienating mothers and fathers exhibited higher scores for splitting and projective identification.

Research shows that alienators usually have one or more Cluster-B psychological disorders, all of which are medically recognised and have entries in DSM: Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Antisocial Personality Disorder. Parents without personality disorders rarely, if ever, alienate.